Thursday, July 3, 2008

Don't be a perfectionist

It's becoming very clear to me that the fact that I am a perfectionist might become something of a handicap regarding my transition.

In my work, that's absolutely fine, and practically expected - getting it right the first time, and 100% right, well, that's what you have to do.

But in a gender transition, it takes a lot of practice, and a lot of time in general, to get to being proficient and comfortable with the new things you've got to learn. And being a perfectionist, well, you're going to want to be good at them now. And you won't be.

While I was waiting for my friend to get off work (he's on call right now, and got stuck at work a bit late) to go over to his place for dinner, I sat down with my shiny new Perl::Tk program which allows me to record from my headset, and immediately play what I have just recorded, to work with my voice. I've been watching candiFLA's voice videos on youtube, and the fact that she makes it look really easy, well, that inspired me. It sounds easy enough, but that couldn't be further from the truth. It's freaking hard! Miss Candi says it took her two years to get to where she is now. Two years! That'll surely land me in the loony bin!

So it's very frustrating, and it's going to take me a lot of patience with myself (which, now that I've started my first tentative steps down this path, is coming up in a rather short supply, surprisingly) to get where I need to be. I'm sure it will be just as bad when I start hair removal, and when I start hormone replacement too. They'll take a long time, and probably have very little payoff at the start. But I'll just have to trust that they'll work out, and have patience.

And quit being such a perfectionist.

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