Friday, July 18, 2008

Some up, some down

So I've been avoiding making this post.

I went to see my sister on Wednesday. We had the Big Talk, and she seemed like she was doing ok with everything. But on reflection, she wasn't doing very well with much of it. I think she might be fighting harder than my mom to keep her brother around. She didn't like my name, she didn't want to think about any of the changes which I'm excited about making. In retrospect, it was a weird confluence of happy, and terrified. I've been feeling awful for the past two days about this, and I decided today that she was shocked, and didn't know how to react, and once she's had some time to think about things, she might be, well, not so hurtful.

My mom is making some progress to being able to handle my impending transition. I didn't really have a lot of opportunity to talk to her about it, as I was in a bit of a hurry when I last talked to her, but she said some good things, and didn't have quite the same stricken face she usually seems to when the subject of my transness comes up. So at least that's something.

And the big excitement: I finally got a hair removal place to answer my phone call, and I have an appointment for a consultation this Saturday (hey, that's tomorrow). I've actually been trying to focus on this as much as possible, because it's something that I can control, and it's something that's awesome, so I think it's much better to be excited about things I'm doing, than depressed about things that other people are doing. Unfortunately, the depressed part tends to overshadow the awesome part.

OK, so that wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. Not one of my better posts, but whatever. It's worth the price you paid.

Oh, another coming-out talk happening in a very short time. I was originally going to come out to my oldest friend last Friday, but schedules got mixed up, and wires got crossed, and plans fell through. But I'm about to walk out the door to go spend time with him. I think he's on the list of "almost certainly ok" people, but there's always that "what if" idiot in my head. Here goes nothing...

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