Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Too many choices

This Saturday is the monthly support group meeting, and I'm having a little bit of trouble deciding whether I want to go in femme-mode or boring-guy-mode. This will be the first time I'll be going, and I don't really know anything about the rest of the group members. I mean, they're all trans people, so I'm sure they'll understand and be supportive. I've already more-or-less convinced myself that I'll be in girl-mode for that meeting, but there's still a little bit of anxiety about meeting new people, and in my new form.

The monthly meet of the car guys is later that evening, and I'm not sure if I want to go to that or not. I would definitely need to change back to boring-guy-mode, which, frankly, I don't want to have to do. But there are a couple people who will be there who I'd like to see, to make sure they're ok after the storm. There is also a taiko drum performance at the outdoor theatre this Saturday evening, that I'd like to see; if the person I want to invite wants to go, I would like to attend in girl-mode. It'll be getting dark by the time the performance starts, which should make me feel a little more comfortable. The whole anxiety thing about being seen and judged is what's really being difficult right now, and I think the dark might help that a little bit.

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