Saturday, November 22, 2008


So they're having a nice gathering today to observe the TG Day of Remembrance, and I was getting really excited to go. I woke up this afternoon, after doing on-call stuff, and wouldn't you know, I'm sick. C and E's kids' daycare reported that another child there had hand, foot and mouth disease, and I think it may have been passed down to me. The symptoms I'm having seem to fit with what HFMD usually does. Ugh.

So I'll not go to the gathering, so I won't infect anyone else. And be really disappointed about not being able to go.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Day of Remembrance

Yesterday was the Transgender Day of Remembrance. It was started in 1998 to honor a Boston transwoman, Rita Hester, who was stabbed to death. It has since become an international day in which trans folk everywhere remember and honor those who they have lost, be it to hate, or to suicide.

The Second Life trans community has a permanent memorial site, the Transgender Suicide Memorial, which is now also a place which honors those who have been taken from us by the actions of others.

The Houston trans community will be observing the Day on Saturday, with a gathering at the Holocaust Museum.

While I was at the Second Life memorial, I saw a poster which hit me really hard, and I have to share it with everyone.

Click to embiggen. I'm still trying not to cry after seeing that; it just reached into my core and poked at one of those things which I've been trying to get over and done with, the entire reason for everything I'm doing, the thing that drives all of us to do what we know we have to do.

In a bit of synchronicity, the fortune out of my fortune cookie yesterday at lunch was "Never give up". OK, I won't. I can't.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Random little thing

I just got back from a walk; I often walk up to the corner and back, just to "get the wiggles out" as my mom used to say. It's about a mile, and it's a nice little piece of exercise. And for a nice bonus, there's a formal dress shop up at the corner, which always has such pretty dresses in the window. I love to spend a minute looking at them, and imagining that I'm the belle of the ball, the most beautiful girl in the hall. Tonight, along with the beautiful formal gowns, there was a "we're moving!" sign in the window. So one of my favorite reasons for taking a short walk up to the corner will soon be gone.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Much easier than I thought

I came out to my dad this morning.

I had this whole horror nightmare scenario built up in my head - he was going to yell, and he was going to tell me that he never wanted to see me ever again, he was going to go for a gun (he has many), or any number of other equally bad things went through my mind.

The reality was about as different from that as it could possibly have been.

My letter that I read to him was very short, maybe two thirds of a page, and very light on details. I just covered the big stuff: I'm trans, and I will be changing, and I love him, and I count on his support. I think he was pretty nonplussed by the whole thing, because he seemed like he was really unsure what to say. The first thing he said was that he would give me whatever support I needed. He didn't really have any questions for me then, which didn't especially surprise me; most people just don't have any idea about what trans people are dealing with. I gave my normal offers of any questions answered, or any help understanding any aspect. It was almost a non-event. I certainly can't complain about that.

Friday, November 7, 2008

OK so far...

I've been putting aloe lotion on my face every few hours since my treatment yesterday (except, of course, while I was sleeping), and it seems to be helping. It's still achy, but it's not really swollen or red. So that's good.

Right now, I'm working on my coming-out letter to my dad. I'm trying to keep things very short and to the point; it seems like some of my other coming-out letters were too long, and maybe had a little too much information in them. So rather than lay out a huge bunch of information overload, I'm going to try for a minimal kind of thing, and then see if I can encourage questions. I should be able to finish it up tonight, and I hope to go talk to him tomorrow morning. I am already feeling quite a bit of anxiety; he's so hard to read, and I just have no idea at all how this will go.

And after that, I'm going to try to talk to my gaming group tomorrow afternoon. I was hoping to talk to them last Saturday, but it just wasn't the right time, and I couldn't summon the courage. They didn't blink an eye when I started playing a sorceress character a few months ago, so I'm sure there's very little to worry about with them. I do, however, anticipate a fair amount of shock, and am not especially looking forward to the response I expect from J. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Next treatment... check

I had my second laser hair removal treatment earlier this afternoon. It didn't hurt as much as I remember from the first time, and it didn't take as long this time. It went pretty smoothly, and the nurse who did my lasering said that they learned a little more about removing male facial hair, and figured out a new setting on the machine to take advantage of that new knowledge, and that she hoped that it would do a more effective job on my face. Sounds good to me!

So right now, I'm a little singed, and a little ouchy, but pleased. Hopefully my face won't swell up so badly this time. More aloe, and then off to my therapist appointment.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

It's done

Well, the election is finally over. The good guy won, I guess. I was unable to vote, because of a procedural screwup - I was still registered at my old address, and I was not about to drive for an hour in rush-hour traffic, just so my vote could not even count (Texas goes republican, always always). Instead, I wanted to get changed into girl-mode, and go over to C and E's, which is what I did.

Not much else to say, I suppose. I'm having a bit of a bad week; I woke up this morning, and just wanted to spend the day crying. I have no idea why. I think my therapist's suggestions of trying antidepressants might be something to look at seriously. I've been really resistant to medicating the problem up to now, but this emotional torture I'm living through is just getting ridiculous. Even if it can just take the raw edge off, that would be some help.