Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Another critical point

Today is the first day in two weeks that I've gotten a real chance to switch into girl mode. My voice is finally back to normal, and I'm basically over all that illness of last week - what an annoying pain that was! My facial hair is simply gone right now, except for the sprinkling of white-blonde hairs that simply ignored the laser. So things are good, in that respect.

I'm at another one of those critical, "gotta do it" points right now. It's time to call up the endocrinologist, and set up an appointment, and get that process going. I've got two feelings about it. First, I'm excited to finally be to that point, and glad that I've gotten here. I'm grateful for all the support I've received from my friends, and from the TG community here in town, and from my therapist. They've really helped me to believe both that I can do this, and also that I should be doing this. On the other hand, I'm scared to death about what could happen. I'll start changing, physically, and that could have implications for me, at work, or in my daily life. People who are "different" don't always get treated fairly, or even nicely. I could lose my job, just because somebody at my company isn't comfortable, or won't take the time to understand. The TG community recently observed its Day of Remembrance, to keep in mind that it's a dangerous world out there. What if something like that happened to me? How much would that suck?

I've got the doctor's phone number in my phone, so now all I need to do is call it and talk to the people who answer, the same as I did with my therapist, and the same as I did with the hair removal clinic. Those turned out ok, didn't they? I'm second guessing myself right now, and that's never a good time for me. The what-if game doesn't serve any purpose, other than to annoy and delay.

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