Monday, March 30, 2009

Things are looking up!

I was all primed to make a big complaint post about something that happened yesterday at the track, involving a completely insensitive and unaccepting jerk, but this morning I realized that it just doesn't matter. Nothing actually happened, so there is no reason for me to actually complain. Besides, nobody wants to read a bunch of whining from me, and I'm just tired of being negative.

"The track", to which I referred above, was the Houston Raceway Park, and this past weekend was the annual NHRA national event there. I have been going for the past several years, usually with C; this year E and their oldest daughter came as well. I was expecting it to be another hot-sauce festival, but it was about a million times better. I've made so much progress since then, both emotionally and physically, that this time I think it was more of a feeling of anticipation than any kind of negative feelings I had back then. Seven months can be a long time.

Lately, I've been kind of going back to where I started this journey. L and I had a wonderful conversation over a few slices of pizza this past weekend, and she got me thinking about everything that's happened. It's been a little over a year since I started the whole coming-out process. One year to go from wondering if I shouldn't kill myself, to a state of excitement and anticipation of things to come. About ten months since I first walked out the door in girl-mode; now I actually get a bit down if I don't get the chance at least once a week. Seven and a half months since I began my first physical changes - hair removal on my face. Three and a half months since I started hormone therapy, which has improved my mood to an unbelievable degree, and started to alter my body.

These thoughts of the past have woken me up to possibilities in the future. I'm going to a wedding in Wisconsin this July, and I intend to do the whole car trip in girl-mode. While there, I'll be meeting a bunch of people in person, whom I've met only on Second Life. On this same trip, I'm also going to try to schedule a consult with a plastic surgeon in Chicago who does FFS procedures. There will also be a job change in the (hopefully) near future, and I have decided that prospective employers will know exactly who they'll be hiring. I expect that I will be denied some opportunities by revealing my transness, but if an employer is willing to deny me at this early stage, it's equally likely that they would seek to get rid of me when I get to the full-time stage later. I'm saving everyone from extra work. But an employer who is willing to accept me now, before the change, knowing what is coming... That's a Martha Stewart-style Good Thing.

I'm finding it interesting how people react when faced with the information that this person standing in front of them, who has a name and a life and a mom, is transgendered. Surprise and confusion are very typical; let's face it, my people and I are rather rare. But every single person has tried to find a way that they could accept it, or at least a way they could have it make sense to them. Every one. Just thinking about the success I've had, and the success I anticipate in the future, I can't help but smile and giggle a little bit. Cynical old me becomes a believer in the inherent goodness of people? Stranger things have happened.

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