Friday, April 3, 2009

Physicality

I was considering referencing a terrible 80s Olivia Newton-John song in the title, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. You don't need to thank me, but I won't stop you if you really want to. :)

I recently saw my ob/gyn, because I was a little concerned that he wasn't doing any testing - I'm a big proponent of doing tests and knowing, rather than just sort of guessing and winging it. So we talked about what a blood hormone level test might show at this point, and what it would cost, and it seemed like a lot of effort and money for some not-so-meaningful information. His reasoning makes plenty of sense, but I'm still a little concerned. I just have to remember that he's done this many, many more times than I have, and he knows what he's doing.

We did talk about my dosage, and ways to increase it, since simply doubling it was a little too much. I suggested maybe taking one and a half estradiol pills per day, for 3mg, and he said that would be a good thing to try. So far, very very good. I have half a guess that the doubling might not have been strictly too much, but rather too much too fast. It seems that wetware reacts in weird ways sometimes, so I guess a try-and-see approach might be the best way to go.

My physical changes are continuing. My breasts are growing, slowly. They've basically stopped being completely annoying - itching, ouching, tingling, and being thoroughly distracting - and just settled into being ouchy when I press up against them or brush across them. Fair enough. I am learning what my body needs, and as a result, I'm trying to be more careful with myself. Going through sort-of puberty again at my age, well, us not-so-youngsters aren't quite built for that any more.

My darn upper lip is once again leaping to my attention. A couple of days ago, I noticed the light gray tinge that signalled the return of my facial hair, and now it's coming in. Back to shaving every day. I'm hoping that it will be even more reduced from before the most recent laser treatment. Since I have my trip in July, and the regrowth seems to come right at two months after the treatment, I'm going to see if I can hang on until mid-May for my next lasering. Once that's done, it'll be time to find an electrologist. I do have a lot more blonde hairs than I realized, which ignore the laser, and the dark stuff on my upper lip is proving very resilient to the laser, so it's probably time to up the ante.

Emotionally, I feel like I'm getting to a point where any hiding is really annoying, and I just want to be all the way out. Like out out. But based on my physical state, I don't think I'm ready to do it. I can tell, but I don't feel comfortable enough that I can show everyone yet.

1 comment:

Trinity Annabelle said...

It's not really applicable to the main text, but I just remembered, when I came back into the waiting room after my ob/gyn appointment, there were four trans men and six other trans women waiting there. I had a moment of "these are my people." I just thought that was really awesome.