Thursday, May 14, 2009

Mission accomplished!

I had my coming-out talk with my coworker today. We were originally going to talk yesterday, but the whole day just ended up weird, so we postponed until today.

It couldn't have gone better. I knew everything would go fine, and he reacted almost exactly like I expected. He had a couple of innocuous questions, which I was more than happy to answer. He offered a few suggestions regarding coming out to a couple of the other people in our group, which I didn't expect. But we ended up having a nice long conversation, and we left everything on a really good note. I have an ally at work now! Yaay me!

We did talk about the one thing that I did want to discuss with him, the managers of our group and their possible reaction to me. His guesses confirmed my own: I'm going to be fired instantly. There are a few things I can hope for, but I'm not really going to hold my breath for any of them.

On a personal note, the coming-out talk is starting to become a non-event for me. No, that's not quite the right wording... it's not nearly the stress-bomb event that it used to be. This morning, I had a few butterflies as I was getting to work, but they went away fairly quickly. Once we got out to walk to lunch (a good 8 or 9 blocks), it took me a few blocks to jump into what I had to say. So it's not completely stress-free, and I don't expect that it ever will be, but it's getting much easier.


laanba said...

Yay! I'm glad today went well.

Jubilant said...

Yaay you indeed hon!!! The instant firing confirmation is a drag, but what you expected. Sounds like he thinks that others in your group would be allies too, which is cool.


Luminis said...

Trinity, I'm so glad you now have an ally at work. I'm also really sorry to hear your fears about the likelihood of losing your job upon coming out being seconded. However, knowledge and preparedness are never bad things. . . In the long run, I can only hope that facing the inhospitability of your workplace helps you to find a welcoming place to work. In the now, however, celebrate the victory of the day--a door opening in the the closet of your worklife. Warm thoughts to your coworker :) .

Anonymous said...

Thank you all for your good wishes!

Regarding my probable job-loss... it's not set in stone. Managers may change. Policies may change. On my list of things that I need to do, one of the entries is "make HR listen to reason". It's completely reasonable to want to protect your employees. Perhaps laying things out for them in no uncertain terms might be the slap in the face that they need?

The thing that kills me about this, is that changing the company policy costs nothing. The company handbook is electronic. Changing the policy to add the words "sexual orientation, and gender identity and expression" is only a matter of changing some bits in a doc file somewhere. After the change is made, the only work to be done is enforcing the policy, which is what HR is ostensibly there for in the first place.

We'll see, I guess.