I'm still catching up on some of my posts, so please bear with me.
Last Monday, I went out into the wide world in girl-mode for the very first time. It was scary, and exhilarating, and fun, and ultimately it was no big deal.
My friend P, who I haven't seen in ten years, was in town for a visit, and we had planned to have dinner that evening. He's been so supportive and almost nonchalant about my change, and I thought it would be fun to spend the evening with him in my proper form. I picked him up from the airport, and off we went. I had to go by C & E's for some last minute help with the dress I was making for my vacation, so that was our first stop. E helped me with the things I needed, and then we visited for a while. P declared that he was terribly hungry, and since I hadn't eaten much since lunch, I was as well. E headed off to bed, and C, P and I went out for dinner. It had gotten rather late, so the first 3 places we tried to go were closed. We finally found a place, and went in.
I was first through the door, and was surprised that I felt very little anxiety. I was with two people who knew me and cared for me, and I knew that they would not put up with anyone treating me badly. We sat, and ordered, and ate, and left. Nobody batted an eye, or stared, or said a thing.
The next day, as P and I (in boy-mode) were having dinner, we talked about the experience a bit. I told him that I have a lot of anxiety about people treating me badly when they first see me. His comment was that "nobody got the memo that you're the center of the universe." And he was precisely correct - I'm not the center of the universe. Everybody is wrapped up in their own stuff, that most will probably not take much notice of me at all. I'm weird, but I'm not threatening them, so... so what.
That same phrase became my mantra a few days later, when I was halfway across the country, and about to walk out of my hotel room, to meet a bunch of people I'd never seen in real life. Nobody got that memo, Trinity. Nobody really cares. It helped a lot, and it continues to help me. I'm getting the feeling that yes, I really can do this. So I'm going to try to get out there and do it.
dead trees give no shelter
2 hours ago