Saturday, December 12, 2009


I came out to my boss yesterday.

It all started last week, when I had to let him know about the all-day doctor appointment that I had. He replied that he hoped everything was ok, to which I replied "nothing life-threatening, but important", and that we should discuss it during our next one-on-one conference, which was supposed to be this past Tuesday. Well, Tuesday turned into a bit of drama, and we didn't get to have our meeting. So I spent the rest of the week in extreme stress mode, waiting until I could get a chance to spill my big pot o' beans.

Finally, on Friday we managed to have our meeting. I had some notes of most of the points I wanted to discuss, but for the first part, I just flew by the seat of my pants. Coming out, no matter to one's family, or friends, or boss, is fundamentally the same. There's a big thing, and one tells the other what it is, and then things go on from there. The anxiety for me (and probably for a lot of people) is about that last part, where things go on. Sometimes it's hard to see, with any clarity, just what that going-on will involve. And that, I think, is the crux of the whole thing: we don't know what will happen, and we're scared of the unknown.

I'm not entirely sure what I did expect from him, but whatever it was, bore very little resemblance to reality. He was calm and cool, and at the same time warm and supportive. He said that he wanted to help me in any way he could, which kind of blew me away. We talked a little bit about my current plans, and he was very open, and agreed with my tentative timeline. I mentioned that I would send him a few links with some resources that might be helpful, and also suggested that we work together, and with HR, to come up with a good strategy for everything that needs to happen.

It was a weird conversation; I've never really connected with my boss, or any boss, on a personal level, and there I was, doing exactly that. So I think everybody grew a little bit from the conversation, and I left his office with a smile on my face and a really good feeling about the future.


Wol said...

Excellent, I'm pleased for you both. Half a year ago you thought this conversation might end your employment there.

Anonymous said...

That's very true, though half a year ago, I had a different boss; the contrast between the two is almost too much to believe. Nobody in my group is sure if the old manager was asked to leave, or if he left of his own accord, but it's not really important. We're all very glad that those times are in the past.

Jerica said...

That's awesome girl! You give me hope =) Still trying to figure out how much time I should give my company to prepare. I want to go full time in April so I don't want to give them too much time by telling them too soon.

Anonymous said...

Checking in, looking for this post and happy to see that things went well. :-)

Anonymous said...

Jerica, that's what keeps us all going: hope. As for telling your boss and/or HR people, I'd guess that giving them more time to get ready would be better than giving them less time. But then I'm just guessing; I've never done this before. :)

obscura, your support has always been an inspiration to me. If I had someone who I considered a champion, it would be you. The day I came out to you, and every time we visit, no matter how I'm feeling, you make a believer out of me!

Jubilant said...

Wow, that's a wonderful story Trin!

I've had bosses be warm and supportive (in general - not that I've come out to them), but they were not in the majority. In a few cases my bosses were clearly a**holes, but I sometimes wonder how much of the others lack of warmth was the result of my suspicion of them.

I'm glad to hear you got a new boss though, that's great on it's own.