Tuesday, January 12, 2010

This is the end, my friend

My therapist brought up an interesting point during our session this evening. Since the boy-me is soon coming to an end, I may need to spend some time mourning the loss of him.

That's something I have never considered. But it does make some amount of sense: I've spent how many ever years with him around, and now he's going to be gone, forever.


I'm not sure what to say about that. I've spent a lot of time and effort over the past couple years making this moment a reality, when boy-me would finally be gone, and girl-me could take the reins. I've tortured myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've dared my friends and family to accept me, and not all of them took me up on the challenge. I've put myself in a position which could bring me tremendous hardship at the hands of a cruel society. And all of that in the hope that one day, what's soon to happen would actually happen. So now that it is happening, it seems more than a little strange that I might spend much time lamenting what I have willingly given up.

I suppose it's a "could" or a "might", and not necessarily a "will". But people are weird sometimes, and I guess we'll just have to wait and see how things go.


Jerica said...

That's interesting girl. I did think about at some point. It reminds me of the realization a month or more ago that I didn't really miss my old self...or all the privileges that went with it.

What I DO miss is my family and the love they supposedly had for me when I was male. =/

Anyways, You have been awarded the Glamorous Blog Award =)

Anonymous said...

OMG, an award! Thank you very much! I don't think I even read ten different blogs. Hmmm, this may require some thought.

Family is a hard topic for you and I. You touched on a point in your recent vlog, that you're going through this whole journey for a reason. You're connecting with all sorts of people you might never have known otherwise, or knowing people in ways that you wouldn't have considered before. Just because they're not related to you by blood, doesn't mean that they can't be your family. If we can't lean on the old family, we've got to find a new one, and it sounds like there's one tugging at your skirt, trying to get your attention... :)