Wednesday, July 7, 2010

State of the nation

There is quite a bit going on, but nothing that can really warrant its own post. And given my lack of consistent posting in recent months, I thought I could just do a "state of the nation" post, as it were.

I just had a follow-up call with Dr. Zukowski, my facial surgeon. It has been four months since my surgery, and he was very happy with my progress, based on the photos I sent. He did say that there is still a lot of swelling along my jaw, which is completely normal, and will take another several months to disappear. I am to continue my massages, once per day, and he wants to talk to me again in another two months. I also mentioned that I would be coming through Chicago this weekend, and he jumped at the chance to possibly see me. I'm still working out details with the various people who are involved, but hopefully we'll be able to work everything out.

Speaking of being in Chicago, this weekend I am heading up to Wisconsin to visit with a bunch of Second Life friends. Last year's meetup was a super-fun weekend, and this year should be every bit as fun. I'm taking the Amtrak into Chicago, and my friend J will drive up the rest of the way with me. I really do love taking the train - it has become my favorite way to travel. As much as I love to drive, grinding out hundreds of miles in a straight line just loses its flavor after a couple hours, and a trip to Wisconsin is about 20 hours of driving each way. And my car is not a good road-trip car; 35-series tires are great in the corners and on the track, but are completely comfort-free on a long trip.

Last week, I had a follow-up call with my new endocrinologist, and he wanted to slightly increase my estrogen dosage, and also change the type of medication I was taking. I have been on estradiol for the duration of my HRT, and he changed me over to estropipate. He said it stays pretty consistent in the bloodstream for 24 hours, rather than spiking shortly after taking it, and decaying over the day, as with estradiol. Ok, sounds good.

It has not been roses and sunshine, however. My body is freaking out a little bit at the changes, and the past couple days have been pretty awful from a mood standpoint. It seems like I've been on the edge of tears for most of the past couple days. Today isn't too bad so far, so hopefully I'm getting used to the changes. Also, I seem to have a ravenous hunger, and have gained some weight, so I'll need to keep an eye on that.

Some of my depression is probably related to my facial hair too. I haven't been to see my electrologist in almost a month, and I needed an appointment last week. Unfortunately, she has been recovering from a stomach bug of some sort over the past week, so I won't be able to see her until next Wednesday. So, I just have to let it be, and try not to make myself crazy. So far, I'm failing pretty spectacularly at that.

The fact that I'm still looking for a job surely doesn't help either. The uncertainty is awful for me, as is the fact that most of the jobs I'm hearing about are contract - more uncertainty. I've had a number of phone interviews, and a couple face-to-face interviews, but nothing has come out of them. My severance has run out, so I applied for unemployment earlier this week. I really hope I don't need to spend much time on unemployment, but there's no telling. I also sent in my COBRA paperwork, so at least I'll be covered for health insurance.

So, the state of my particular microcosm could probably be summarized as "not fantastic". More bad than good, it seems like. Hopefully something will stabilize for me sometime soon. Thoughts of an ending have been trying to creep back in; I'm doing my best to keep them at bay, but they are relentless, and I don't want to have to go through making that decision again.


gallery said...


Agatha Macbeth said...

/me squeezes your hand. Hang in there Trin! *hugs*